Phantoka looked around, his minion Goose had finally arrived
“Finally!” Phantoka spat “Where is Lenku?”
“He… escaped…” goose panted
“Such a shame…” phantoka sighed
“Indeed!” Goose chuckles
“About you, not him!” Phantoka smiles
“What?” Goose yells
“You always were loyal Goose!” Phantoka laughed evilly
“No no!” Goose screamed, but it was too late, Phantoka’s mutated hordika slaves dragged Goose to his miserable end
“No one fails me!” Phantoka smiles
Yeah…
This seems more like a teaser.
Thoughts?
And technically this one is finished
It;s too short to be called a story. Way to short. We enter in it with no information, no exposition, nothing, and we get out with it with nothing. Like, who is Phantoka and why should I care of him? Who is Goose and why should I care for him? In fact, why should I care about this seen by itself if I don’t even know how the room looks like (if it happens in a room) or how the main characters look like. I don’t know anything about the characters, their motivations, about anything!
I often see this technique in use: inexperienced authors just take a few lines of dialogue from a story and paste it saying that they made a story, when it fact is nothing more than a dumb shallow piece of words that don’t serve anything other than making a character that the reader is not universally capable to connect to edgy. This technique might seem awesome and pro-level, but it’s only weird and very terribad.
3 Likes
It seems like an insult for Phantoka fans
I mean me.
To be honest I just made him as the opposite of me since I’m pro Mistika and nobody really likes them yet almost everyone has the Phantoka as a guilty pleasure
This is a fictive stereotype. I still have to meet a person who would fit in this category.
It is something I’ve noticed through travelling the message boards
‘Yeah the Mistika suck but the Phantoka are alright’
Again, I still have to meet a person who would passionately hate the Mistika but have a ‘guilty pleasure’ on the Phantoka.