A guy ran a red light and nearly ran me over a couple days ago.
I still want to find him and key his car or something.
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Don’t
Please do not.
Well, I can’t really stop you, but know you have my entire negative support.
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Funny I actually got hit 
and by a tow truck.
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When I was a baby I managed to squeeze through the bars of my crib and fell to the floor and cracked my head or something.
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When I was two I shove a carrot up my nose and had to be taken to the emergency room. My mom was terrifying.
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Most moms can be.
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Do you mean terrified?
‘‘MMMMM THAT LOOKS GOOD’’
shoves in nose
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I had a traumatizing experience at a wave pool once. Some chump had the bright idea to turn up the waves, and me being only in second grade at the time, didn’t know how to swim to well. I swam as hard as I could to get to that stupid ladder to the side (instead of doing the smart thing, letting the waves carry me to the shallow end). Then I came up for air at the wrong time and inhaled a hearty dose of chlorine water. I did make it out, after a slew of coughing fits.
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Huh, same thing pretty much happened to me.
Is this why people do crack?
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Yes, I meant terrified.
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Last weekend almost got in a car crash with an 18 wheeler after exiting the highway that was fun.
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Yes.
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The world is a scary place…
Ugh. I remember when me and my family were run off the road by a cow-hauler, if there was not a snowbank to brace us the car would have been totaled and we would have been hurt…maybe worse.
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Dang dude that’s crazy, if I didn’t swerve out of the way in time I dont know what would have happened.
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I slapped a starbucks frappuccino out of a girls hand
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Noice.
That’s going to be on your permanent record, man. 
Ehh, she was a jerk, and was super mean to younger students, and I think she dropped out or something
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Oh. Well, then she deserved it. You should be proud.
never tell anyone I said that
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Needless to say, there were no survivors.
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